2021

2021 has been the year of parenthood for me.

It was the year I became a part of this wonderful, glorious, and kind community of creatures we call "parents". Fellow beings doling out daily doses of humour to survive shitstorms. Yep.

I left so much of myself behind in 2021, it's no joke and no small feat. I went from being a doctor and little girl with big dreams to wham...a MOM!!! Someone solely responsible for a BABY...a crying and wailing and cuddly little human.

Well, it has been transformative, to say the least. 

Now I know everyone experiences life differently. I know all my peers are balancing so much on their plates, multitasking, building empires, saving lives, working on their careers, all while being parents. 

My experience and my circumstances, somehow, have been different. To look on the positive side of things, 2021 gave me an opportunity to be a totally immersive parent. I am happy to say I've been with my baby every single moment since the time he was born (apart from the time I went for the three covid jabs)😂. I'm so proud of myself for always being there, for dealing with everything, for ticking all the checkboxes. Yes, my career has definitely taken a beating during this time, but hey, I'm still optimistic. 

And I'm still a dermatologist, and no one, I mean no one can take that away from me.

I'm so proud of everything I've achieved this year. Raising a little human is no mean feat.

It's been hard. It's also been glorious. It's been life-altering, to put it in simple terms. 

Now I suddenly view the world with a brand new outlook. Now I 

 understand and appreciate my own parents SO much more. I also understand and appreciate my spouse's parents that much more. I'm automatically kinder to everyone. Because hey, the world's a shitty place, and everyone is someone's baby! You gotta step out with some kindness everyday. 

When you have a little baby at home, it's suddenly not THAT important to win at life anymore. The only important things are - feed, poop, diapers, nap, sleep, repeat. And letting yourself breathe in between. And enjoy their immense laughter, and their chubby cheeks and their tiny tiny toes. Yes. And yet. All that stuff overtakes everything else. 

And yes, I'm not trying to wax glorious without thinking about people who don't have babies, who choose not to, or aren't able to. Hey, I see you. I get you. I have been you. 

Just know this, we all have our struggles. Parenthood is hard, very hard. But equally rewarding. Just like life, in general. The grass may always seem greener on the other side, and on everyone else's Instagram, but that isn't always the reality. 

The fact is, all of us struggle with something or the other. Because what would life be without some struggles, it would lose all its best parts and moments. Only after you struggle, can you triumph, and that's what I learnt this past year. To embrace the change, to embrace the struggle. And to wait, patiently, for the dawn of a new time, a new phase, and to trust that I will be a phoenix when the time is right for me. 

That's all for today folks. 

Love,

Aayushi.

Ruminations in the Covid Era

Hell, I don't remember when I last visited this place, when I last wrote, and when I last hit the pause button in my life. 

I just read the most recent post on my blog, and I don't even remember writing it. That's how crazy this past year has been. 

But no matter what, no matter how much time goes by, this page is something I keep coming back to, like old, cherished, aged love. It has grown and warped with me, it has kept all my secrets, and it is an integral, if redundant, part of my soul and my existence. 

This past year has brought me so many tough lessons, so much love, so much laughter, and so many tears. It's brought so much anxiety and isolation for each of us. 

But it's also brought us the gift of time, and the opportunity of hit reset, to recharge, and to start anew. 

And started I have, in more than one way. A new job, a new country, a new life, a new miracle. A new life skill. New achievements. New ambitions. 

Everything is suddenly so different, both inside and out. The very fabric of my being has changed, just like the very fabric of the universe has changed this year. 

I've grown into love and I've grown into being a new, different me. I've worked and worked and worked and been so proud of everything I've done. 

And although I don't have much to show for anything, the fact is that my soul and my heart has stretched and grown to a whole new dimension. 

This was a fantastic year, inspite of everything, or maybe because of it. And respite seems nowhere close. There's a vaccine on the horizon, as well as a new virus strain. There is so much uncertainty. 

I've found that being away from home is what truly lets you appreciate the miracles and small mercies of the country you call "home", and awakens this craving within you to visit that familiar and beloved land once again. Nothing and no one can replace the comfort of being amongst your people, in your land, and running through the streets you grew up in. 

I've been away from writing, but not from reading. I've found another skill I'm really good at, editing, it helps me cut through everything and focus with razor sharp attention on one task at a time, one task only-the job, the deadline, the words. I find I quite like working this way. 😍

I'm missing my first love, dermatology, but I'm so thankful for the blessing I've received in the form of other work opportunities in this tough time. 

I have loved moving to a new country and building up a life from scratch, I love my new found independence and I love my daily hustle. 

There is nothing and no one I would exchange that for. 

As 2020 finally comes to a close, I know the next year is going to be pretty darn amazing, even more difficult than I could possibly imagine, and definitely very memorable. 

I'm so thankful for all the blessings in my life, for everything that has been, for everything that is going to be, and for right this moment where I'm at right now, and for the way life and God have taught me so much and changed me for the better. I'm thankful to the universe for everything it has given me.

I'm just passing along my thanks and my thoughts now. 

- Aayushi. ❤️

On Legacy

Hearing the news and watching most TV shows these days could probably make you feel incredibly anxious and stressed out.

I read about the Ethiopian Airlines Crash and look at beauiful photos of a young Indian origin doctor travelling to Nairobi to visit her sister, who passed away in the crash. I can't help but wonder at how tenuous life is. At who's going to be next. How we're all running on nothing.

I watch shows on Netflix like Made in India, Four More Shots Please, and all I think of is how easy it is to lose people you love, for relationships to wear thin, for love to disappear.

My husband tells me to be positive, to watch better shows, to choose better what content I expose myself to.

I sit and think. And think. And wonder. And wonder. And dream.

If nothing is meant to last, and there's no surety about tomorrow, what's the best you could do? How's the best you could live? What's the legacy you want to leave behind?

What's the mark you want to leave upon this world?

Your 80 hour work week? Your fights with your loved ones? The tantrum you threw last night coz you didn't like dinner? That 6 months diet you put yourself through. That colleague you trampled upon to get your next promotion? That staff you fired because she got on your nerves. All your goddamn regrets? That secret fling you've been having? All the things you planned on doing...someday? Hell, what's the best thing you did yesterday? Scroll facebook for 2 hrs and Netflix for 4 hrs?

We need to collectively rewire and rewrite our lives. Manage time better. Do better at life.

Let's revisit the main question in this post. What's the legacy you want to leave behind? Let's re-imagine the answer.

I get only one in my head. Love. That's the only legacy I want to leave behind. Love. And change. And honesty. Some goodness. Some kindness. Some generosity. It's good to go to bed every night knowing that I didn't hurt anyone today. Didn't trample upon others for personal gain. Didn't hurt someone's feelings coz they hurt mine first. It's good to do things for the people you love. Keep them happy. Keep them smiling.

Coz there's only so much time and only so much to life. For god's sake dont spend it being a miserable lout and a grey cloud in everyones' life. Don't hurt the people you love, coz you're gonna regret it later.

As pompous as this sounds, I'm no life guru. But this is just a sinking realisation that has come to me from depths of despair. And I'm just putting it out there.

We all need to collectively work on this.

Be better. Be you. Be the best you can be.

Of Love and Hate (Of the self)

Hey everyone...(my imaginary readers)!

So I just read this post on my facebook feed and it made me want to say and write lots and lots of things. It reminded me of this forgotten place, my first love, my blog.

Well, here I am. It's been a long journey this past year, and I just want to say to everyone out there, possibly reading this and struggling to make it through some rough times - Do what EVER you need to do to survive. Keep yourself happy. Your happiness is wholly and solely your responsiblity and being selfish is the first step towards being happy. Accepting that you're not ok, and putting in effort to take care of yourself and pamper yourself works wonders for your mental health.

So if that means you have to eat icecream everyday, go for it. If it means saying no to the world and yes to yourself, go for it. If it means taking a break from work and travelling, go for it. If it means taking a social media blanket break, hell, go for it! Because it's your life, it's your health, it's your heart we are talking about. And nothing is too much as far as taking care of yourself and your heart goes.

You are bloody important, and it's time you realised that.

Sometime last year I started a 100 days of happiness challenge. It was simple and in its simplicity it was miraculous how much it helped me to find happiness in the little things in life.

From then to now, sooo much has happened and I've grown so much.

Life has taken a 360 degree turn. To begin with, I've left Mumbai (something I never dreamt I would do) and moved to a new city, a new life. I've finished my quota of getting through various losers who teach you life lessons and heartbreaks and had my share of growing pains dealt to me.

AND I've met my now husband who, though he didn't come to me dressed as a knight in shining armour on a white horse; he did get me pizza on our first date AND didn't hesitate to serve me first (instead of the other way round) before gorging on his own food. It was so path breaking for me, I almost sang Hallelujah! Yep. Right there, in Amdavad. That's where the magic happened.

And although it took me long enough to recognise the knight (in disguise) that he was, it's been fabulous to finally reach the end of this long journey and meet the person I am supremely happy to spend the rest of my life with.

In other news, I saw the movie "Angrezi mein Kehte hai" yesterday and I duly, and expectedly, loved it. The alternate story of Suman/Feroze portrayed in the movie was refreshing. The main storyline had its quirks but overall loved the message they sent. I only wish the hero didn't start dressing so gaudily the moment he realised he was in love... (like SRK in Rab ne bana di jodi?)

So it seems that I have now left Mumbai, the city of dreams, and moved to Ahmedabad, the heartland of Gujjus. I feel like I am going to be elaborating on this A LOT in my future posts.

I am trying very, very hard, to not develop a gujju accent, But I fear it may happen sooner or later! :P

I shall surely , definitely, maybe keep you posted.

Until the next time life comes around, and drags me up or down, I hope you all have a lovely day.

Don't forget, the secret to your happiness - "Be Selfish".

Bye!

Credits: sandserif

October The Movie

So, I watched October this Friday and it was lovely. In fact the movie had me feeling so much that I suddenly remembered my blog and felt like I had to update it.

It was the saddest and most beautiful movie I've seen in a very, very long time. Rarely do we see something so extremely and perfectly realistic in cinema.

There's no good way to write a review, the movie has to be experienced in a theatre. It is basically a beautiful, soulful melody you will continue to feel long after you've left the theatre.

Also I promise you'll forget that Varun Dhawan is Varun Dhawan. He gets into the skin of Dan superbly. Forgive me for not being able to believe he's the same guy from Judwa 2.

Also as a doctor, a special mention to the medical depictions in the movie, they were so on point. Everything from the patient to the hospital to the doctors to the nurses to the beds to the patient's family, to the hospital chemist, to the medical bills and to the label saying "No Bone" on the patients head. Never in the history of Hindi cinema has the Indian health care scenario been depicted so well. A huge huge round of applause to the entire team for this.

Some dialogues from the movie will strike many a chord with audiences. Dan said some important things about loving one's body and treating it with compassion and kindness and giving it the time it needs to recover. One of the best lessons in self-love I've ever learnt.

The soundtrack is otherworldly, the direction is remarkable. I would definitely never watch this movie again, because it isn't that kind of a movie, but watching it this once in the theatre was truly memorable.

This movie is for all those of us who have ever struggled with our health, who have lost loved ones, who have seen trauma in their lives or in those of their family members and loved ones. Basically this movie will speak to each and every one of us.

Everyone may not like it (hubby dearest did not) but I'd still recommend everyone watch it, it will help you in one way or another, and quite a few of you will surely love it, like I did.

28.

It's almost 3 hours to go for my 28th birthday and it's been such a mixed-up, mish mash of a day...ermm..year!

I didn't want to write a reflective post, and this blog is usually my happy place, but I feel like for once it's time to be a tad reflective.

Or maybe, maybe, it is time to get up onto some rooftops and shout to myself - "Look how far you've come! Look at where you're standing!"

These days I am so very fascinated with the concepts of happiness and sadness. How social construct affects our perceptions of our life. How some people manage to be genuinely, intensely, carelessly happy, inspite of every hardship life throws at them; and how others tend to drown in sadness at every little hitch (or perceived shortcoming) in their path.

I wonder at how difficult it really is to change your inner equilibrium; the one you were born with and/or acquired over the years; to change that and to train yourself into becoming something you're not. We read and know of so many inspiring, amazing success stories. People who have seen and overcome unforeseeable circumstances. All of us know someone like that - either in our personal lives or in the form of persons we've admired; stories we've read about.

People, in general, tend to persevere. People shine. People go on. People triumph. People live.They beat the odds.

How is it then that some of us get caught in the quagmire of life and are just unable to find our shine? The exact frequency we were supposed to be attuned to? Some of us spend our entire lives feeling like we're out of tune with the world. Some of us just can't stop feeling like there's something wrong, somewhere.

Maybe this is what mental illness is. Maybe this is what it looks like.

I'm sure most of us don't understand what goes on in another person's head. Everyone's mind is a beautiful place. Only difference being, some of us get the morning light kind of beauty, and others get the midnight storm kind of one.

I think that's probably what happiness and sadness are all about. Light and storm. And maybe, just maybe, it's possible to graduate from one to another. To find the light in the middle of a storm. To balance all that shine with some rain.

And isn't that what we're all really trying to do?

Let's stop trying to make our lives a competition, for once. A sad rat race of who shines brighter. Let's focus on ourselves, only ourselves, for a change. Let's shine for ourselves. Let's weather storms by ourselves.

Let's love ourselves. 

Let's just BE ourselves.

Halsey once sang - "I hope you make it to the day you're 28 years old."

I officially made it. 

Let's see what happens next, shall we?

On happiness

I don't think I will ever get over how beautiful Sunday mornings are! The fact is, Sunday is like just any other day, but we value it that much more, because on the rest of the days we wake up, get out of bed, and start running before our feet hit the ground. Sundays, we pause. We breathe. We smile.

This past month, I have been thinking a lot and writing a lot about happiness. Most of you will find it silly, because happiness is natural, right? Well, it is mostly, it's our basic human instinct, we can and do smile and laugh through everything. But some of us are just a little more prone to...ahem...some melodrama and melancholy. And writers, I think, more than anyone else.;)

So I started doing 100 days of happiness, after a friend suggested it to me some time back - when I was whining about how miserable I am (in general). Even though I scoffed at him at the time, I took it up on a whim later on.

It has been a fabulous exercise, keeping me preoccupied with the positive things in life, and has pushed me to do something fun every single day. I am just happy in general, and I remember to be kind to people who are not, and I think this is fast becoming a habit that will last all my life. I've started breaking out of my shell and I've started stepping out of home everyday to collect new experiences and new stories to tell. Happiness is most often found in the simplest of things, and it is your attitude that makes all the difference in the world, this I now know.

More than anything, the challenge has brought out my inner creativity in ways nothing else has in a very long time, and frankly I am enjoying myself too much! This is like falling in love with myself, in the best way possible!

To quote Baloo from Jungle book - "Look for the bare necessities/The simple bare necessities/Forget about your worries and your strife/I mean the bare necessities/Old Mother Nature's recipes/That bring the bare necessities of life" : D

Apart from this, I have been reading a lot of poetry, both online and offline, and that helps one grow and teaches one things nothing else in life can.

I have been writing a lot, but nothing is as simple as coming here and spilling out my ramblings in plain, archaic prose. Here, I don't worry about beauty, it's all just staple fare and thought expression that leaves me feeling extremely satisfied. I'm surprised people still read this stuff, in this era of instancy and microblogging... (I mean, Blogger has become redundant)... but here I am, journaling away to glory, and here you are too, watching me do it!

 Another thing I don't understand is why everything in this world is suddenly and certainly becoming shorter and smaller? Conversations, clothes, food, letters, write-ups, dreams, winters? Stories? I'm sure there's more to that list.

I, for one, am all for very very long text messages and long letters and elaborate poetry and long conversations about nothing. Let's waste our time, because we can. Lets' delve into all the people around us, the stories, discover their quirks. Don't be lazy, share yourself, tell your stories, make people laugh.

Wonder about life's purpose, then stop wondering and start living, like I did, because that's what we're all here for today.

Have a beautiful Sunday, ladies and gentlemen! :)

Hello! 2016

I suppose it's that time of the year once again. That time to take stock and to remember your deserted blog. (AND I've started rhyming even in prose!)

I remember writing on this blog, sometime last year; that 2015 was going to be a year that matters. Well, it did turn out to be that, and much more.

So in the end, here I am, sitting in front of my PC, one day to go for year-end, and I am happy. And that's primarily why it was a year that mattered.

More than anything, this year, I've learnt to own my words once again, something that makes me very very happy. So hello world, this is me, Aayushi, and I write. All the time.

So yes, even though I haven't sufficiently veered off-course yet (as far as my blog writing traditions go), here are some of the things I've come to realise this year. That, combined with the cumulative experience of my 27 years of existing on this planet :P

(As usual, I'm back to dispensing gyaan for free on my personal blog. I'm quite full of myself that way.)

What was the topic at hand? Ah, here are the things I learnt -

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Want to be happy? Only you can and should be responsible for your own happiness. Counting on someone else just doesn't pan out in the long run. People leave. People die. People change. People change their minds. People get busy. So count on yourself. No one knows better than me how difficult this actually is in practice, to be responsible for your own happiness, when you're not happy per se. But try this. Put yourself first. Your happiness before everyone else's. Be selfish. Do whatever you want/need. Make yourself happy. And see where that takes you. I promise you, it will work, if you try.

Make your health a priority. Your body is wonderful, but it has it's limitations. Take care of it. Exercise, breathe, meditate. Rest. Stay fit. Exercising is also one of the best ways to improve your mental health and your body image.

Find your passions and pursue them. Pursue them relentlessly. Unabashedly. Stop thinking about what will they think. Do what you like. You will look back and be happy that you did.

Live alone. Travel alone. Shop alone. I haven't really done all of these in the strictest sense of the term, but I have sort-of done these, and I would love to do more of these next year. However I do always shop alone, and it is the fastest way to get that job done!

Get out of your comfort zone. Do things that make you uncomfortable/anxious. Expand your horizons. That's the only way to keep your life interesting, and to let yourself learn and grow. Even if you end up as a sad blubbering mess of jumbled up words, do it. Just because, the next time you try that particular thing, you won't mess up that bad.

Acquire one new skill. (I haven't really acquired any this last year, I'm sorry to report. However, I may have sort of learnt the very fine art of saying no; something that is quintessential to your survival in society at large). So yes, skills. Someday, you will come to realise that you are an adult, with responsibilities, and when that happens, the only things you have to count on are yourself, your skills, and your education. So keep learning. And acquire one new skill every year, atleast.

Write letters. And not online ones. No e-letters. No blog posts or Facebook posts. This is one of the best things I learnt this year. Write actual letters. Sign them. And put them in an envelope. A letter becomes an almost miraculous thing. Something to be cherished forever. Something which can be stored, re-read, which can actually be felt with your hands. Not a link to the internet. Not the backlight of your phone screen showing you some words. An actual letter. On paper. Addressed to you in an envelope. A story someone decided to tell you. A message someone wrote down just for you. Explore this bit of magic in the world.

Write a letter to someone you love, today. And hand it over to them. It will be truly awesome.

Don't forget to take time out for yourself. Stop, pause. Take a break. Take a vacation. Take that day off. You will work much better on the rest of the days.

I don't want this post to sound like all of those on thoughtcatalog.com (I do realise that is an irony), but yeah, read thoughtcatalog.com. It's just fun and probably quite useful. I mean, thoughtcatalog.com might be some of the most sensible advice some people get, about anything. Keep visiting to get new ideas and perspectives about your own life.

Work hard. Because really, nothing can be more satisfying or make you happier. Find what drives you and start moving up that ladder. Start paving the way for your success.

Find the people and the things that make you laugh. And don't let go of them. ;)

Teach. Discover the joy of imparting knowledge, of influencing someone, changing their mind and helping them grow in a minor way. When you notice that small spark of respect in their eyes, or receive an affectionate thank you, that's when you'll realise how important it is to teach. Start giving back what was once given to you.
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Okay I have (finally) started to feel very preachy, so I am going to stop. (Also I have run out of things to further preach about. I just wanted to say hi to you all. That was the entire point of this post!).

Ending this post with a poem, one of my favorites from this year. Just because.

See you all next year. Comments are most welcome. I will try my best to reply, I swear on 2015.

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Let's be a poem (Version III)

You be the beginning
(Once upon a time)
The pirate at sea who
Wears a black patch o'er his eye

I’ll be hiding somewhere
Lost amidst these lines -
The maiden who doesn’t know
Where her true heart lies

You bring in the story
I’ll stir up the rhymes,
You tell all the jokes
I’ll be the laughter that chimes

You can be the syntax
(Words that sit together just right)
I’ll be the grammar
(Compulsively correcting from the sides)

You'll be the narrator
I, the script writer,
You, the lead actor
I, the paramour

You say all the words
I’ll add the punctuation,
You start all our songs
I’ll bring in the rhythm

You be the black ink
That scribbled all over my white,
Together making a picture ,
So pleasing to the eyes

You be the syllables
That leave behind many a sigh
And I will be the images
To fill up the reader’s mind

Oh we could be a poem, we could,
You,
And I.

-Aayushi Mehta (2015).

Let art save you tonight

Let art save you tonight.

Take all those thoughts, those feelings, those memories. Those dreams. That love, that pain. That laughter, those tears. That nothingness. Take what you find. And create something.

Write a letter. Tell a story. Paint a picture. Sketch a face. Cook a dish. Hum a melody.

Write a poem.

Write a poem everyday.

Make dessert. Eat dessert. Call a friend and tell a joke. Play with a baby. Play with a dog. Smile at the most beautiful person you see walking down the street.

Make art.

Watch nature. Watch the green on the trees. Feel the wind in your face. Hear the songs of the sea.

Fall in love. Take the plunge. Tell your story. Start your story. Say the words you’re afraid to say.

Make art tonight.

Kiss his lips. Kiss her eyes. Paint your face. Dress up like a dream. Lay underneath the stars.

Go find a hand to hold. Dig up that old photograph of you laughing.

Give in to origami. Practice yoga by the beach. Take a pair of scissors and shape that paper. Or shape your hair.

Build sand castles. Send out messages in bottles. Send out postcards. Buy gifts for everyone you love.

Go out and make some art tonight.

Set out on an adventure. Trek up the nearest or farthest mountain you find. Swim deep into the ocean. Jump off that cliff with a rope around your ankle.

Make conversation. Find a song that makes you cry. Sit by the candle light. Tell him he’s beautiful. Tell him he’s amazing. Tell her she’s gorgeous. Tell her the stars can never compare.

Sit down to dinner with your mother. Go for a walk with your father. Hug your brothers and sisters. Finish that book you never ended up reading.

Immerse yourself in some art tonight.

You will be all the better for it. You will wake up tomorrow with a smile. You will await the sunrise with eager eyes. You will have healed and you will have smiled. You will have found the courage for tomorrow’s fight.

Because there’s always time for some more art, tonight.


- |Songs of my heart|

(Reposted from my tumblr - 13.11.15. Dedicated to the amazing people you tend to meet in life. For the love of art. For the love of words.) 

On Character

So I've had this idea drumming around my head all this week, and I have been coming across stuff everywhere, which made me wake up today morning, wanting to write this post.

You know that everyone goes through a tough time once in a while. Do you know someone who doesn't?

Imagine these two scenarios -
There is one person who has fought very, very hard for something, fought again and again, maybe failed a few times, and yet worked day and night for that one thing, and then finally got what he/she wanted.

And then there's another person, who was naturally talented, who was always lucky, who did work for it, but then basically just got what they wanted, seemingly quite easily. Basically, the stars were in their favour. They had it good, and they had it all. Naturally gifted, intelligent, and worked just enough but nowhere near as much as the person above.

So whom would you respect more? And whose story would you want to read?

You would probably be jealous of the second person, who had it easy, but who would be the person with more character? More things learnt in life? More stories to tell? More of a backbone to fight? Clearly the first person, the one who had it tough.

It is only over the past few years that I've truly become passionate about something, discovered that there can, for all practical purposes, be a fire lit up under my ass and I could work, I could run, I could rush towards a goal. And I could be very very happy about it. I could set higher goals for myself. I could set impossible goals. And I could slog like a donkey, with sweat and tears, thanklessly, but I could. All for that one end goal.

Being ambitious does have a sinister beauty.

And until a couple of years back, I didn't know what the hell I was doing with my life. I hated studying, I hated exams. There was basically no fire. Anywhere. 

So I just wanted to say, discover your passion. Ask yourself, what do you want? If you don't have the answer, go find the answer. Go looking. When you do have the answer, set a goal. Aim for yourself. Aim very, very high. Let the world laugh. Know that nothing is impossible. Know that the beauty is in the journey to the top, and not at the top itself.

And know that even if you don't make it to the top, because we all AREN'T that lucky, you will be better for the journey. You will be better because you tried to climb, and you aimed high. Atleast you had character enough for that.

Never, ever, ever, aim low. Because then, who's going to know what you were capable of? You never let yourself find out.

Give yourself some hardship. Throw yourself into chaos. Stretch your limits. Let yourself learn, grow, take shape. Jump into the next adversity that crosses your way. (Ha! the irony). When life starts to get comfortable, remember to push yourself a little more. Demand more from yourself.

Because what is the fun in having everything handed to you on a silver platter? Your silver platter? If someone else has something else you want on their platter, try snatching. Go ahead, try it.

You never know what may land on your plate.

I'm not saying work yourself to death. I am not saying living an easy life is bad. I'm not saying kill yourself with work.

All I'm saying is once in a while, pursue your dreams. All those crazy, impossible ones. Because without that, what would be the point?

And this isn't even all about work. This could be about anything. If you love someone, jump into it, drown in it. For once, stop being cautious or practical and stop holding yourself back. Hell, having your heart broken is probably the best character-building exercise you're ever going to go through in your life. Embrace it. Embrace the heartbreak.

(At this point I may or may not sound terribly masochistic. You decide.)

If your dreams take you along a difficult path, don't drop them by the side and fall off the road. Persevere, for god's sake.

Don't forget, character, that's what you want.

This Quote - 

"Why do we even try? When the barriers are so high, and the odds are so low? Why don't we just pack it in and go home? It'd be so, so much easier...

It's because in the end, there's no glory in easy. No one remembers easy. They remember the blood, and the bones, and long, agonizing fight to the top. And that, is how you become legendary" - Grey's Anatomy, Season 11, Episode 14.

Much love, and it is great to have this blog back.

I'll get around to adding the comics. Maybe. Probably not.

This is goodbye

I feel like I need to clean up my blog. Or that I need to hide it from...people? Real life? The world? (The one outside of the computer?)

And that's just not acceptable to me.

So, until further notice, this is goodbye.


P.S. It was a great love story, this blog, if there ever was one, and that love is still well and alive and strong. It's just going newer places. 

Eternal romaticism

Is anyone else sick of all the "Be Beautiful" ads on Youtube? They make you feel totally un-beautiful if you don't apply make up and eyeliner everyday like a pro and make french braids with your hair. And why do all their names always start with an 'A'? :S

I'm loving/hating the Bombay summer this year. My family is still hell-bent on force-feeding me mangoes multiple times a day, and it's still scorching hot out there, but it all seems to be bearable. Also, as a dermatologist-to-be, I actually care about sunscreens. Ha!

It all seems hilarious in retrospect.

It's been ages since I blogged about something serious. But serious blogging requires motivation, and enthusiasm, and passion. I think I've just redirected whatever store I had of all those into a different direction. (Ahem...studies...ahem..) (No wait..I think it's Candy Crush Saga, truth be told...)

I read the newspapers today to note that India recorded the highest ever voter turnout this year, and I am proud to have been part of that voting population. Whosoever wins, I think it is definitely going to be a change for the better.

It's so easy when you're living in your bubble to be happy and positive about everything, but one fine day you go out and meet someone who looks and sounds only like sour grapes, and then they spread their sourness all over you, or they brag away to glory about all their achievements, and you know it shouldn't matter, and yet you don't know what's hit you and suddenly you feel a little bit lower..than you were yesterday!

And that can be so frustrating.  When you cannot get better sense to prevail. Bah!

This list on thought catalog just rang so true. May seem to be an exaggeration to most of you, but oh dear, do I know how true it is or has been at multiple points in my life? I quote - "There is nothing more stressful, when it comes to introvert interaction, than the full-on phone call. Texts and emails are so easy —" This could be the story of my life. Of my entire life! So, all of you who have had unanswered phone calls and no call-backs from me, I could never even rationally explain it to myself, but this line just says it all. Please don't hold it against me. Please. I swear the thought of making phone calls to people, and just chatting is really and unexplainably stressfull to me.

Of course, she got the part about the online alter ego bang on as well. I mean, look at who you're talking to right now?

I miss clicking photos. Not that, not exactly, but I miss making beautiful things. I never even remember my camera these days. But since I named him, he must now have feelings, and I must not hurt them any more. So I promise to click some photos. Someday soon. Soon. Give me a month's time please.

Coming to the more serious issues I promised myself I'd write about, I've had friends, and doctors no less, tell me openly that they would get sex determination for their baby done, with help from their radiologist friends, and abort the female fetus if needed! And I've heard my radiology friends complain about doctors and relatives of doctors all coming in for scans and then asking for the SD. I am so unbelievably aghast with this state of affairs. And mostly, there is nothing you can tell these people to change their minds! They are well-educated, intelligent, and are women themselves!

On the other hand, the people at A Mighty Girl are doing such a fabulous job with their website and their facebook updates, I find myself longing to have a baby girl, just so I could raise her and tell her all those fantabulous stories! All of you who want daughters someday, or are already proud to have one, definitely head to their website and facebook page. This is one of those great things which makes you thank the good lord for having created the internet. Not that I don't thank him every hour of every day for the same any which ways. (Note to self: Try to better hide your internet addiction problems in future).

This gorgeous song has been my comfort zone for the past couple of months:

"Dard mein doobi dhun ho, seene mein ek sulgan ho.."



An old co-blogger posted something on facebook today, which reminded me about writing. The beauty and simplicity of it. The part of me I'm forgetting.

And I quote: "...The idea that somebody creates a piece of everlasting art, solely for you and because of you, will remind you what an insanely intoxicating drug it is, to have become your lover's muse."

Sigh. Read all of what she has to say here.

What is it really about girls and their eternal romanticism?

I think my blogs are repetitively about the same things, maybe yes, maybe not. I don't even care.

There are innumerable times when I develop cold feet, and feel convinced that I should shut down my blog, erase my name from the internet, or put an invisibility cloak and go anonymous. But then again, the need for gratification always wins, I guess. That, and other things.

I think I will end this post on that mysterious note. Bye, and I miss you all.

Dermatology and Love and Facebook

Watching a random guy with a whole bunch of colorful balloons floating on his bicycle carrier (should have gotten a photo) cycle past me, was one of the best parts of my day. Anything which induces spontaneous smiles is. Also, it reminded me of my blog and the imminent need to get back to it. (Don't ask me how the two correlate. It's un-explainable).

So, hello blog, and hello readers. Also, hello spammers (I hate you but I have to be polite on my blog).

I have come to love Dermatology, and for the first time in my medical career, do not hate and begrudge studying. That is basically a life-altering situation for me. But more than anything else, I love treating patients. Just basically talking to them, spending time with them, and helping them. And please note, I do not use the word 'love' lightly anymore, as someone I know taught me not to.

Dermatology seems to be one branch where everyone needs a consult, but everyone is too lazy to actually see a doctor for some skin problems...so solution? Catch hold of the PG resident at the wedding, and get your free consult. :D Don't worry folks, I quite enjoy being made to feel so important. Also it removes all need for awkward wedding conversation. Double faayda, no nuksaan.

(Yeah, that may be the first time I said something in Hindi on my blog. I promise never to do that again)

 Right this moment, the soundtrack of Dil Se is pealing from my speakers, and it leaves me feeling quite at peace this February night. Of course, I occasionally do suffer from the impulse to belt out the vocals in my own not-so-melodious voice, but thankfully, for everyone involved, I have gotten rid of that dreadful teenage habit of mine :D

Did I mention how much I love Dermatology? Oh well.

Also I think half my facebook friends list is either engaged or married by now. Within the next few years, the remaining will follow. Then the babies will start popping up. Followed by all other life milestones. Funny how, if anyone notices, your school friends will be the most synchronized on facebook in the timely achievement of life milestones. And funny that, now with facebook, you get a chance to have a bird's eye view of the life of all the people, you first entered the education system with at the age of 5...what happens to them, where they go, what they like, what they achieve, which country they end up in, where do they meet the loves of their lives. So many stories, all moving together in synchrony. Uncanny, really.

And this happens because age-and gender-defined roles are so specific and so well followed in India. Remember the Hindu ashram system? Brahmacharya (student life), grihastha (household life), vanaprastha (retired life), and sanyas (renounced life), in exactly that order. Seems this system is extremely well ingrained in us Indians.

Be born, learn to walk, talk, grow hair, grow your bones, enter school. Bam. Then books, books, heavy school bags, tuitions, extracurriculars, boards, studies, entrance exams, college, competition, studies. Bam. Graduation. Bam. Post-graduation (or not). Bam. Get a job. Learn how to hold your drink. Learn about diplomacy. Bam. Engagement. Facebook annnouncement of the same. Marriage. Facebook showcase of the same. Honeymoon. Facebook photos of the same. Bam. Then, well, I don't know how it progresses from there, but I can safely guess it will continue in rather the same trend.

Facebook - a rich database of information about everyone else's lives. That should be their tagline.

Okay. Now that I have written paragraphs and paragraphs about facebook, let me move on to whatsapp. Just kidding.

I'll leave you with a joke. Or two.

 

Wandering, not lost

A guest post by theabstractruth.

theabstractruth

Disclosures first, I guess. I am not your usual friendly neighborhood blogger. The usual writer of this blog asked me to write a guest blog for her. We’ve been friends for 7 odd years now (Maybe 5, tough to speak for a girl who only expresses when she writes). In another life, I was in Bombay for my medical college and left the country for lonelier pastures in the US (greener in Bombay by far, if you get my drift) in the August of 2012. I also feel very proud of being an Indian (<<insert snorts by misplaced nationalists here>>), but I feel it’s important to stretch one’s comfort zone and experience different perspectives. I currently study in a school with people from 67 different countries. So I have watched an India-Pakistan cricket match with a Pakistani friend (we won) and discussed world religion and politics in a group with friends over potlucks (Jews, Muslims and Christians, although that might not be how they identify themselves primarily.) Needless to say, it’s been quite fascinating. I found out some things (‘Murg-e-shaandar’: I can cook!) and then I found something (political correctness: a pain in the.. well rear).
If there is one thing I do miss, it is drinking on weeknights with my hostel friends. Here, weeknight-drinking is unheard of (although so is ‘hostel’ and such ‘friends’).
Therefore, this country ironically also offers a lot of loneliness and ample time and opportunity for reflection and self-exploration. So here is the ‘wisdom’ I’ve gathered in these 16 months; more accepting about certain things, more cynical about others:
   
1.    Success is a ridiculous term if used as a common denominator. What you're looking for is acceptance and/ or external validation. Structure is overrated, your metric is not my metric and no one metric is correct. The devil is in the metrics.

2.    It's no fun being on a rollercoaster, unless you're a masochist or you enjoy making sense of chaos. There is a Method to most of the madness around. Believe in it and try not to look for it. It will save you your sanity.

3.    Money is everything. The beyond only exists once you have enough money. No money = no “best-things-in-life” (and “best-things-in-life” ≠ money).

4.    Getting drunk n dancing the night away is a form of spirituality. You owe it to your spirit. Assuming you work hard and honestly the rest of the time, in which case it can also be called an escape (or again, spirituality).

5.    Celebrate diversity. The world is a massive place. Your own little region/ religion/ culture is the matrix and everyone can be Neo. Just step out.

6.    Enjoying something you do and doing it well is nirvana. Even if it's doing nothing and being a bum.

7.    Never say never about anything you never want to happen.

Now go discover these nuggets of wisdom for yourself, if you haven’t already, and the purpose of this blog would be achieved.
Cheers!

-theabstractruth

Catching up

It's been long since my last post but housemanship is a busy year (Yes, even in my college!). I haven't even replied to comments on this blog, and I hardly ever get time to send postcards. What I have been doing is making new friends and enjoying work. I've also been learning the dynamics of adjusting in a workplace with a predominantly female population working together on a daily basis in close proximity. And don't we all know what happens when too many women get together? :D

One of the best things that happened to me last month was that I saw Ram Leela. And while the movie has many haters, I absolutely loved and enjoyed it, barring a couple of songs of course. What a refreshing change to have Indian cinema portray young adults in love so realistically and with a great sense of humour (who can forget the size 136 bosom? :D)  Also wonderful to see an extremely strong female lead and for a change a female villain. The movie did have many strong and sensible female characters, if I recollect, and actually all the males were the ones doing all the stupid activities except our hero. Ranveer and Deepika looking their best in those wonderful costumes never once hurt the eyes. But actually in the end the true villain turns out to be a  male only! Ha. Well, SLB (please note his middle name is his mother's name and not father's) may well be Bollywood's first feminist.

Two other things happened over the past few months, SRT retired and we had a verdict on the Aarushi Talwar case. But as this blog isn't a newspaper, I won't talk about either of those :P What I will tell you is that for the longest time, whenever I introduced myself to someone, they immediately connected my name to Aarushi's. And then I had to clarify that I am Aayushi and I am not a ghost come for revenge after my murder!

So now my humour has started to be about murder victims. I think that's a new high (or low?). At this point I would just like to clarify that I believe the Indian police, investigating agencies, justice system, and the media have all messed up in a big way in this sensitive case. My heart goes out to the victim's parents and family members.

Back to my non-newspaper blog,  I've been told very recently by some people that I come across as a snob and a very 'harsh' person. I tend to be like that with strangers at first, all high-strung and walled off. But then how else do you get people to leave you alone, I ask? So I've decided I'm just going to keep my snob disguise going and master the art of snobbishness to perfection. Since not enough people in my world have read Jonathon Rauch's famous article about introversion, I'm just going to have to keep up my snob disguise as a survival mechanism. (wink, wink)

One more thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is the dynamics of friendship in today's age, and does the term even really mean anything anymore? I know, pessimistic thoughts, but let's hear your opinions on this.

Apart from that, it seems to be serendipity that I named this blog Gentian Violet two years back, and now I am going to be a dermatologist, which is one of the few medical fields which actually still uses the chemical gentian violet (atleast theoretically if not practically!). The thought always fills me up with glee.

In other news, the search is on for a Gujju boy who doesn't run at the sound of a prospective wife who would (God forbid!) actually have to study everyday for the next few years, and be a doctor, and have to run a clinic! Yes, she wouldn't be home to serve you hot food three times a day and pack your dabbas for office with...gasp!...more food! And yes, she is so haughty she can actually write such things on her own blog! All these terms seem so alien to an average gujju household, I am fast starting to become disillusioned by my own community.

And I am sure after reading this (I'm probably stretching my luck by assuming that someone will), every prospective suitor who facebook stalks me (of course they do!), is also going to refuse to meet me. Well well, good riddance, I say. I've never curbed my writing for any reason till date, and I'm not going to start now.

In music, I've been listening to Birdy (In the moment we're ten feet tall - "Wings"), Lana (I won't cry myself to sleep like a sucker - "Damn You"), and Taylor (I had the time of my life, fighting dragons with you - "Long Live").

I've been missing my old college, and my friends, and the carefree UG days. To think we were 1st MBBS students just yesterday, when the highlight of our day was having to put up with the disgusting stench of formalin. Whenever you look back to the past, life always seems simpler than in the present. And that's probably the irony of it all.

I promise to reply to all your comments, soon! This blog is starved for some conversation. And I hope all of you are doing well :)

P.S. Since I am not sure if this author allows her comics to be shared with due credits, I am just going to link you to her superb blog! Don't forget to check out the comic about 12 medical specialities.

Here's wishing you all a wonderful, lazy, and enjoyable weekend! :D

Lyrics and music

I seem to have lost all my creative instincts at present, so here I am, showcasing someone else's creativity.

Lyrics taken from a song I can't seem to be able to get enough of. Ellie Goulding and her magnificent voice (which goes to waste in most of the other songs she sings), in this haunting song.

Teacher's Day

It's been a wonderful month, August. In a few days I probably won't even remember any of the great things that happened to me this month, but that doesn't matter. I've been happier than in a long time, and I've started studying Dermatology, which has turned out to be an endlessly fascinating and challenging subject. I've made good progress with my writing, and let's hope you get to see a lot more of that on this blog soon.

Next week will be Teacher's day. So here's a post, to remind myself of some of the wonderful teachers who have changed my life in some way, at some point. I am probably never going to show them my appreciation in person, but the least I can do is write a post.

The one teacher I will never forget is Dani Miss. She was one person who I am sure loved me unabashedly. I was her favorite child. I once kicked someone under the table in a fit of exuberance, and well, she just refused to believe that I'd done it. She even had tears in her eyes (if my 5th standard brain serves me right) on the last day when I went to her tuition. I visited her a few times after that, and since have lost touch, but she is very, very often in my thoughts. Her entire family knew me, because they had all heard from her how fond she was of me. As an adult, my pathological shyness and introversion somehow keeps me from picking up the phone and tracing her, but I know she would be delighted if she ever heard from me. In retrospect, she may be my favourite teacher, ever.

Next comes Kanti Miss, who is a local legend in Matunga. The lady teaches French since decades, is very eccentric and lovable, and every daughter from my family has gone to her for French Tuitions. She also charges fees at Rs. 50 per month, and throws open the doors of her house, entire living room, and sometimes even bedroom, to swarms of students. I will never forget her Sunday Morning sessions, and the wonderful times I've had with her. I loved French, and most of that love stemmed from learning it at Kanti Miss's house.

Then comes Naidu Sir, who is also on his way to becoming a local legend. I will never forget the day I first met Sir, he actually came to my house, after I had filled a questionnaire for admission to his coaching institute. He wanted to ask me how I'd got so many marks in the 9th standard, if I studied for less than 2 hours per day, as stated in the questionnaire. What he probably still doesn't know, is that while filling that form,  the minimum option provided was two hours per day, which was the only reason why I marked it. I clearly did not even study for two hours at the time. The concept of studying EVERYDAY just didn't exist for me. (Yes, I was a 14 year old girl who had never uttered the word medicine up until then). Naidu Sir, if you're reading this, and if you still give students that questionnaire, please add an option of 2 hours per month, which will be more suitable for most 8th and 9th standard students! :D

So when Sir came home and asked me how I got so many marks without studying, I told him I just did. I also informed him that I hated Geometry, the subject he would be teaching me for the next year. Anyways, once I joined his classes, what started was my first exposure to competitive studying in an atmosphere of constant hard work and setting actual goals and trying to achieve them. You must realise how drastic that could have been for me, after reading the above stanza. At Naidu's were also sowed the first seeds of fascination with Science, and with Biology. And I will forever remember his Sunday morning 7 am tests, which were an exceptionally painful exercise for me. What Sir probably doesn't know till date is, after the Monday to Friday classes, and daily homework, I never touched a book for the entire weekend off, and only started studying for the Sunday morning 7 am tests by waking up at 3 am. I just refused to touch a book on Saturdays.

After my results, I remember talking to Naidu Sir on the phone, and the last thing he told me was, "Aayushi, I hope you will stay in touch..." I fervently said yes at the time, and went on to do the exact opposite. Again, my pathologic shyness is to blame, I never feel the need to go and talk to people, I've just survived by replying to their questions for many, many years of my life. I've remembered his words and our good times at the classes many times, and pretty much done nothing about it.

Next up is Prabhu sir, Abhang Prabhu. The man who single-handedly is responsible for a LOT Mumbaikars' admissions to medical colleges. He definitely takes most of the credit for my admission. If I sit to think about it, I can not really say without doubt that I would have gotten into med school if it were not for this man. He is the only teacher who had the audacity to complain to my parents about me, who one fine day called them and told them they should make me a model instead of a doctor, because I clearly wasn't going anywhere with my lack of studying. But well, in the end, his tactics worked.

He got me to shut myself up in a room for months and study and do nothing else. He made students give up their cell phones, stop watching TV, forget the internet and their social lives. He knew what it took to beat the competition, and he made sure all his students knew as well. He used plain logic and cold calculations and coached you to perfection, with only one aim in sight: to crack the CET. No one can doubt that he had a perfect system in place. He taught us the approach to an MCQ based exams, he even taught us the best ways to bluff for MCQs, and he brainwashed the system of rote learning out of most of us.

And mostly, to add to all that, he taught fabulously well. His teachings of genetics have implanted in me a lifelong fascination for the subject. And well, I remember most of his classes being a lot of fun, because he had a good sense of humor. He also managed to create mini celebrities out of students who were rankers, with his system for displaying weekly rank lists. Consequently, when we went to medical school, it so happened that we already knew the names of many of our colleagues who went to Prabhu's, but we didn't know their faces. We just knew that this person with this name had made it to the top his rank list at some point of time.

I'm trying to think of a memorable teacher in Medical school, and well there's none who personally affected my life. That probably says a lot about the kind of Medical Education we have in our medical colleges.

Currently, I'm working at a place where I'm surrounded by many teachers, and most of them are eager to teach and share their vast knowledge and expertise. This is a first for me in many many years, and I'm basking in the feeling of being taught, for now. It's too soon to write about them, but maybe in three years, there will be another post, with newer stories to tell.

Until then, here's wishing a Happy Teacher's Day, to all the teachers I've written about, and many others who have all affected and changed my life. I don't celebrate things, and I don't wish people for anything including their birthdays, but it's high time I wrote this post.

P.S.: Please tell me about your favorite teachers in the comments section!

Source: www.andertoons.com

Source: here

The end of my crush on Ranbir Kapoor

This trailer. This trailer!

Frankly, the trailer evoked nightmares! Ranbir has acted so well, he resembles every roadside tapori to perfection. Just imagining an entire nation of young, influential minds, watching this trailer and this movie, and then aping Ranbir and learning tricks they didn't know already, is enough to give me the chills. To top it off, he looks utterly boring in all the scenes. The *wondrous* dance steps, and the closing scene just seal the deal. Finally, Ranbir has done it. He's acted so well, I have started to dislike him. Somehow my mind just went "ewww.." after watching this trailer. 

I still remember the very first time we saw Ranbir Kapoor. The first trailer of Saawariya to come on TV, and there he was, looking like that! (For reference watch the video below). I remember watching the trailer countless times on TV, and of course everyone either loved him immensely or hated him. The girls who hated him thought he looked too feminine, but mostly everyone loved him.  

After that, I enjoyed most of his movies, Raajneeti remains a top favourite, though it was in Rockstar that he truly stole my heart in the intense role of Jordan. That was followed up with Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani, another movie which I thoroughly enjoyed. (Now why wouldn't I enjoy a movie about a frustrated medical student running away from home? :D)

And now, he goes and does this! Makes a movie like Besharam! I now officially declare that I do not like Ranbir Kapoor anymore! I may admire him at times, but that is all. Now when people ask me "Who is your favourite hero?" (Yes, people do ask such questions all the time), I won't have an answer. And thank goodness for that, right? ;) 

Insert random smart title

It's funny how sometimes you start a new phase in your life, and then you look back at yourself and wonder if the person in the past was really you? Sometimes you go through parts of your life with a feeling of surrealism, and when those parts are over, and many days have passed, you start imagining those things never even happened!

Well, I understand if that doesn't happen to any of you, because well, I know I can be weird! :D

In other news, I have taken to a supposedly underground hobby/movement, "Postcrossing", an international community for sending picture postcards to strangers. If I think about one thing that has kept me extremely happy and preoccupied these past few months, Postcrossing would be the answer. There is just something wonderful about receiving mail everyday, and reading about the lives of faceless strangers, and having beautiful photos in your hands from places all across the globe. In other side-effects of this hobby, my geography, languages, knowledge about India Post and stamps, and about various countries of the world has improved drastically as well. I have also answered a lot of questions about the safety of indulging in such a hobby, and whether I now have many stalkers, and the simple answer is : no.

I have a lot of faith in the basic humanity of every person, and I also trust that a stalker would not go to such efforts as to join a website and make a fake profile about loving postcards so he can stalk and kill someone.

I would love to share photos of my postcards, and basically show them off on this blog, but I don't have a scanner and I am too lazy to get into all that mess with clicking photos and uploading them. I also came to know that most Indians don't have the time or appreciation for something like Postcards, and I guess, when there are so many other problems in the country, this may be understandable to an extent.  And yes, I am sure my postman is going to charge a double Diwali bonus this year, for the amount of cards he has had to deliver to my doorstep!

I am having difficulty trying to talk about something other than postcards, but a book I am currently reading comes to mind. Here's a quote for you:

" The thoughtful doctor, on the other hand, the one who knows the stuff cold but also realizes his or her limitations, tends to train harder, tries continually to learn, and is willing to entertain a wider range of treatment possibilities (and is more likely to treat you, not the symptoms). Because the thoughtful doctor prepares better, he's more likely to pick up mistakes before they manifest themselves, thus avoiding them."
                                        - Cap Lesesne, Confessions of a Park Avenue Plastic Surgeon 

Hmm, food for thought?

How have you all been? Those of you who have moved to new cities, started new courses, selected your fields of specialization, tell me how it goes. If you're busy studying again, tell me how that goes!

More than anything, if you're still reading this blog, send me a shout out! Themes and suggestions for future post topics are most welcome, as is any kind of conversation.

I feel like spoiling my blog for a bit, so I'm going to be talkative, this place has been deserted too long :D

Here's your comic for the day, from none other than xkcd :

Source : here

Movie Review: Ship of Theseus

I went to watch 'Ship of Theseus' today, but only after browsing many reviews on the internet and looking at the trailer. At that time, it seemed very interesting, but also seemed to have the potential to turn into a very boring documentary type movie. Wouldn't have been the first time that critically acclaimed movies turn out to be, well, not that great. I decided to take a risk and go and find out for myself how this movie is, primarily because I liked the trailer a lot.

And 15 minutes into the movie, the reviews all turn out to be true and I have a small smile on  my face as I'm settled in and, for the first time, completely engrossed mentally in a movie. It's like exercise for your brain, watching this movie. No mental relaxation and such things.

ALERT : SPOILERS AHEAD : You can directly skip to the last stanza if you want to avoid them.

We start with a short telling of the riddle of the Ship of Theseus, very intriguing, and then jump into the movie.

First is the story of the foreigner (Arabic) blind photographer. She clicks photos guided by the sounds she hears, operates Photoshop with a software that says everything out loud for her, including a multi-digit number for every shade in her photos, and has a gadget which she points at objects so that the gadget can tell her what color the object is. And not just our basic colors, of course. And she does not believe that she is at any kind of a disadvantage, compared to the rest of us.

To me, the most interesting part of this story was the relationship between her and her boyfriend. It seemed too wonderful to be true. Even their fight was idealistic and wonderful. Also spotted in the movie is an ophthalmologist from the city (we used to study under him, he is a real life ophthalmologist) who conducts a cornea transplant for her. The girl gets back her vision, and apparently simultaneously loses her talent to take great shots. She has problems adjusting to her new life as a seeing person, and then ultimately finds peace on a river bed near the Himalayas. (Or maybe that is how I understood it, not too sure). Here we are treated to a perfectly framed scene of serene natural beauty, and allowed to watch it for long seconds, till it gets a little unnerving.

The second story, my favorite, is about a monk, who is very obviously Jain. He is a very modern and well educated monk, not like anyone you will meet in real life. On coming home I quizzed my Mom about the attire of the sadhus and some differences I noticed, curious to find out which sect of Jainism they were depicting, but Wikipedia later informed me that it is a fictitious religion based upon the principles of Jainism. Oh, well.

The monk is fighting a legal battle to enforce ethical regulations in experimentation over animals by pharmaceutical companies. We are shown scenes of him saving a centipede and observing rabbits being tested for no-tears shampoo. His lawyer/disciple asks him a lot of questions about his principles, and here is some of the movie's wittiest dialogue, and one of the deepest discussions on Jain philosophy I have ever come across.To see this on the silver screen seems to be a miracle in itself.

However, I imagine to people hearing these concepts for the first time, it must have all sounded very strange. The entire basic Jain philosophy is summed up in a song the monk sings in Prakrit, while we read the English translations. The depiction of a monk's life is very wonderful and quite accurate, and some of the best shots of the movie, cinematographically, come in this story. We see them begging for alms and going on their vihaar barefoot. In another memorable scene, this in the background, a young Jain monk is shown under the microscope, evidence for many of the rules of his religion - moving live microorganisms. There is also a dialogue where rebirth into various lower life forms, including microbes and insects,is described in an absolutely wonderful way. You will start looking forward to being reborn as such things, if you pay enough attention :D

 The paradox in this story comes when the monk is diagnosed with liver cirrhosis, and to be able to live, he would need a liver transplant and lots of drugs, by the very same companies he is fighting against. He refuses to take treatment, against all logical arguments presented to him, and starts a fast unto death. The monk is shown in the worst days of his disease and starvation, nearing death, complete with buzzing flies, bed ulcers, bed wetting episodes, and blackened lips. Scarily brilliant acting by Neeraj Kabi who plays the monk, he was my favourite part of the movie. In the end, the monk realises that the preparation of his soul for death in this life is not yet over, and agrees to treatment. Again, this is only my incomplete understanding of the movie.

The third story, which seems very relaxing compared to the first two, shows a kidney transplant recipient, Navin, who while taking care of his grandma in the hospital, comes across a man whose kidney was stolen. Navin, who otherwise does not have much of a social conscience, feels a need to help the poor man whose kidney was stolen one day before his own transplant surgery took place. After confirming that his own kidney isn't the stolen one, and reassuring himself, he traces the stolen kidney to Stockholm, and visits the city to find the actual recipient. In the midst of all this, we are treated to a shot of two female police constables playing badminton (I wonder why?) and one meandering sequence in a slum which will leave you with the feeling of having walked in the slum yourself for those ten or so minutes.

When Navin finally does find the recipient, he insists that the recipient must return the stolen kidney, that is the only way to set this right. The story has a predictable end with the poor victim of the scam happily settling for the loads of money he is offered and refusing to fight a legal battle to get his kidney back.

The end of the movie ties up all the three stories with a connecting thread, I won't reveal what, and leaves you with a very lovely feeling.

My first reaction to the end of this movie was wanting to watch it again. I've decided I love the movie so much I will buy an official dvd when it is available instead of downloading a pirated version. There aren't any morals or lessons to be learnt from any story in this movie, there aren't any easy answers, there isn't any entertainment, but it is still a pure joy to watch. Most of the scenes are just plain beautiful, that is the simplest way to say it. Wonderful actors, intelligent and crisp dialogue, NO songs, lovely sound effects, and lots and lots of food for thought. Many smiles as well.

This movie is extremely highly recommended watching, as long as you don't mind giving your brain some work to do.