Wednesday, March 13, 2019

On Legacy

Hearing the news and watching most TV shows these days could probably make you feel incredibly anxious and stressed out.

I read about the Ethiopian Airlines Crash and look at beauiful photos of a young Indian origin doctor travelling to Nairobi to visit her sister, who passed away in the crash. I can't help but wonder at how tenuous life is. At who's going to be next. How we're all running on nothing.

I watch shows on Netflix like Made in India, Four More Shots Please, and all I think of is how easy it is to lose people you love, for relationships to wear thin, for love to disappear.

My husband tells me to be positive, to watch better shows, to choose better what content I expose myself to.

I sit and think. And think. And wonder. And wonder. And dream.

If nothing is meant to last, and there's no surety about tomorrow, what's the best you could do? How's the best you could live? What's the legacy you want to leave behind?

What's the mark you want to leave upon this world?

Your 80 hour work week? Your fights with your loved ones? The tantrum you threw last night coz you didn't like dinner? That 6 months diet you put yourself through. That colleague you trampled upon to get your next promotion? That staff you fired because she got on your nerves. All your goddamn regrets? That secret fling you've been having? All the things you planned on doing...someday? Hell, what's the best thing you did yesterday? Scroll facebook for 2 hrs and Netflix for 4 hrs?

We need to collectively rewire and rewrite our lives. Manage time better. Do better at life.

Let's revisit the main question in this post. What's the legacy you want to leave behind? Let's re-imagine the answer.

I get only one in my head. Love. That's the only legacy I want to leave behind. Love. And change. And honesty. Some goodness. Some kindness. Some generosity. It's good to go to bed every night knowing that I didn't hurt anyone today. Didn't trample upon others for personal gain. Didn't hurt someone's feelings coz they hurt mine first. It's good to do things for the people you love. Keep them happy. Keep them smiling.

Coz there's only so much time and only so much to life. For god's sake dont spend it being a miserable lout and a grey cloud in everyones' life. Don't hurt the people you love, coz you're gonna regret it later.

As pompous as this sounds, I'm no life guru. But this is just a sinking realisation that has come to me from depths of despair. And I'm just putting it out there.

We all need to collectively work on this.

Be better. Be you. Be the best you can be.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Of Love and Hate (Of the self)

Hey everyone...(my imaginary readers)!

So I just read this post on my facebook feed and it made me want to say and write lots and lots of things. It reminded me of this forgotten place, my first love, my blog.

Well, here I am. It's been a long journey this past year, and I just want to say to everyone out there, possibly reading this and struggling to make it through some rough times - Do what EVER you need to do to survive. Keep yourself happy. Your happiness is wholly and solely your responsiblity and being selfish is the first step towards being happy. Accepting that you're not ok, and putting in effort to take care of yourself and pamper yourself works wonders for your mental health.

So if that means you have to eat icecream everyday, go for it. If it means saying no to the world and yes to yourself, go for it. If it means taking a break from work and travelling, go for it. If it means taking a social media blanket break, hell, go for it! Because it's your life, it's your health, it's your heart we are talking about. And nothing is too much as far as taking care of yourself and your heart goes.

You are bloody important, and it's time you realised that.

Sometime last year I started a 100 days of happiness challenge. It was simple and in its simplicity it was miraculous how much it helped me to find happiness in the little things in life.

From then to now, sooo much has happened and I've grown so much.

Life has taken a 360 degree turn. To begin with, I've left Mumbai (something I never dreamt I would do) and moved to a new city, a new life. I've finished my quota of getting through various losers who teach you life lessons and heartbreaks and had my share of growing pains dealt to me.

AND I've met my now husband who, though he didn't come to me dressed as a knight in shining armour on a white horse; he did get me pizza on our first date AND didn't hesitate to serve me first (instead of the other way round) before gorging on his own food. It was so path breaking for me, I almost sang Hallelujah! Yep. Right there, in Amdavad. That's where the magic happened.

And although it took me long enough to recognise the knight (in disguise) that he was, it's been fabulous to finally reach the end of this long journey and meet the person I am supremely happy to spend the rest of my life with.

In other news, I saw the movie "Angrezi mein Kehte hai" yesterday and I duly, and expectedly, loved it. The alternate story of Suman/Feroze portrayed in the movie was refreshing. The main storyline had its quirks but overall loved the message they sent. I only wish the hero didn't start dressing so gaudily the moment he realised he was in love... (like SRK in Rab ne bana di jodi?)

So it seems that I have now left Mumbai, the city of dreams, and moved to Ahmedabad, the heartland of Gujjus. I feel like I am going to be elaborating on this A LOT in my future posts.

I am trying very, very hard, to not develop a gujju accent, But I fear it may happen sooner or later! :P

I shall surely , definitely, maybe keep you posted.

Until the next time life comes around, and drags me up or down, I hope you all have a lovely day.

Don't forget, the secret to your happiness - "Be Selfish".

Bye!

Credits: sandserif




Monday, April 16, 2018

October The Movie

So, I watched October this Friday and it was lovely. In fact the movie had me feeling so much that I suddenly remembered my blog and felt like I had to update it.

It was the saddest and most beautiful movie I've seen in a very, very long time. Rarely do we see something so extremely and perfectly realistic in cinema.

There's no good way to write a review, the movie has to be experienced in a theatre. It is basically a beautiful, soulful melody you will continue to feel long after you've left the theatre.

Also I promise you'll forget that Varun Dhawan is Varun Dhawan. He gets into the skin of Dan superbly. Forgive me for not being able to believe he's the same guy from Judwa 2.

Also as a doctor, a special mention to the medical depictions in the movie, they were so on point. Everything from the patient to the hospital to the doctors to the nurses to the beds to the patient's family, to the hospital chemist, to the medical bills and to the label saying "No Bone" on the patients head. Never in the history of Hindi cinema has the Indian health care scenario been depicted so well. A huge huge round of applause to the entire team for this.

Some dialogues from the movie will strike many a chord with audiences. Dan said some important things about loving one's body and treating it with compassion and kindness and giving it the time it needs to recover. One of the best lessons in self-love I've ever learnt.

The soundtrack is otherworldly, the direction is remarkable. I would definitely never watch this movie again, because it isn't that kind of a movie, but watching it this once in the theatre was truly memorable.

This movie is for all those of us who have ever struggled with our health, who have lost loved ones, who have seen trauma in their lives or in those of their family members and loved ones. Basically this movie will speak to each and every one of us.

Everyone may not like it (hubby dearest did not) but I'd still recommend everyone watch it, it will help you in one way or another, and quite a few of you will surely love it, like I did.


Saturday, November 5, 2016

28.

It's almost 3 hours to go for my 28th birthday and it's been such a mixed-up, mish mash of a day...ermm..year!

I didn't want to write a reflective post, and this blog is usually my happy place, but I feel like for once it's time to be a tad reflective.

Or maybe, maybe, it is time to get up onto some rooftops and shout to myself - "Look how far you've come! Look at where you're standing!"

These days I am so very fascinated with the concepts of happiness and sadness. How social construct affects our perceptions of our life. How some people manage to be genuinely, intensely, carelessly happy, inspite of every hardship life throws at them; and how others tend to drown in sadness at every little hitch (or perceived shortcoming) in their path.

I wonder at how difficult it really is to change your inner equilibrium; the one you were born with and/or acquired over the years; to change that and to train yourself into becoming something you're not. We read and know of so many inspiring, amazing success stories. People who have seen and overcome unforeseeable circumstances. All of us know someone like that - either in our personal lives or in the form of persons we've admired; stories we've read about.

People, in general, tend to persevere. People shine. People go on. People triumph. People live.They beat the odds.

How is it then that some of us get caught in the quagmire of life and are just unable to find our shine? The exact frequency we were supposed to be attuned to? Some of us spend our entire lives feeling like we're out of tune with the world. Some of us just can't stop feeling like there's something wrong, somewhere.

Maybe this is what mental illness is. Maybe this is what it looks like.

I'm sure most of us don't understand what goes on in another person's head. Everyone's mind is a beautiful place. Only difference being, some of us get the morning light kind of beauty, and others get the midnight storm kind of one.

I think that's probably what happiness and sadness are all about. Light and storm. And maybe, just maybe, it's possible to graduate from one to another. To find the light in the middle of a storm. To balance all that shine with some rain.

And isn't that what we're all really trying to do?

Let's stop trying to make our lives a competition, for once. A sad rat race of who shines brighter. Let's focus on ourselves, only ourselves, for a change. Let's shine for ourselves. Let's weather storms by ourselves.

Let's love ourselves. 

Let's just BE ourselves.

Halsey once sang - "I hope you make it to the day you're 28 years old."

I officially made it. 

Let's see what happens next, shall we?

Sunday, May 1, 2016

On happiness

I don't think I will ever get over how beautiful Sunday mornings are! The fact is, Sunday is like just any other day, but we value it that much more, because on the rest of the days we wake up, get out of bed, and start running before our feet hit the ground. Sundays, we pause. We breathe. We smile.

This past month, I have been thinking a lot and writing a lot about happiness. Most of you will find it silly, because happiness is natural, right? Well, it is mostly, it's our basic human instinct, we can and do smile and laugh through everything. But some of us are just a little more prone to...ahem...some melodrama and melancholy. And writers, I think, more than anyone else.;)

So I started doing 100 days of happiness, after a friend suggested it to me some time back - when I was whining about how miserable I am (in general). Even though I scoffed at him at the time, I took it up on a whim later on.

It has been a fabulous exercise, keeping me preoccupied with the positive things in life, and has pushed me to do something fun every single day. I am just happy in general, and I remember to be kind to people who are not, and I think this is fast becoming a habit that will last all my life. I've started breaking out of my shell and I've started stepping out of home everyday to collect new experiences and new stories to tell. Happiness is most often found in the simplest of things, and it is your attitude that makes all the difference in the world, this I now know.

More than anything, the challenge has brought out my inner creativity in ways nothing else has in a very long time, and frankly I am enjoying myself too much! This is like falling in love with myself, in the best way possible!

To quote Baloo from Jungle book - "Look for the bare necessities/The simple bare necessities/Forget about your worries and your strife/I mean the bare necessities/Old Mother Nature's recipes/That bring the bare necessities of life" : D

Apart from this, I have been reading a lot of poetry, both online and offline, and that helps one grow and teaches one things nothing else in life can.

I have been writing a lot, but nothing is as simple as coming here and spilling out my ramblings in plain, archaic prose. Here, I don't worry about beauty, it's all just staple fare and thought expression that leaves me feeling extremely satisfied. I'm surprised people still read this stuff, in this era of instancy and microblogging... (I mean, Blogger has become redundant)... but here I am, journaling away to glory, and here you are too, watching me do it!

 Another thing I don't understand is why everything in this world is suddenly and certainly becoming shorter and smaller? Conversations, clothes, food, letters, write-ups, dreams, winters? Stories? I'm sure there's more to that list.

I, for one, am all for very very long text messages and long letters and elaborate poetry and long conversations about nothing. Let's waste our time, because we can. Lets' delve into all the people around us, the stories, discover their quirks. Don't be lazy, share yourself, tell your stories, make people laugh.

Wonder about life's purpose, then stop wondering and start living, like I did, because that's what we're all here for today.

Have a beautiful Sunday, ladies and gentlemen! :)




Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Hello! 2016

I suppose it's that time of the year once again. That time to take stock and to remember your deserted blog. (AND I've started rhyming even in prose!)

I remember writing on this blog, sometime last year; that 2015 was going to be a year that matters. Well, it did turn out to be that, and much more.

So in the end, here I am, sitting in front of my PC, one day to go for year-end, and I am happy. And that's primarily why it was a year that mattered.

More than anything, this year, I've learnt to own my words once again, something that makes me very very happy. So hello world, this is me, Aayushi, and I write. All the time.

So yes, even though I haven't sufficiently veered off-course yet (as far as my blog writing traditions go), here are some of the things I've come to realise this year. That, combined with the cumulative experience of my 27 years of existing on this planet :P

(As usual, I'm back to dispensing gyaan for free on my personal blog. I'm quite full of myself that way.)

What was the topic at hand? Ah, here are the things I learnt -

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Want to be happy? Only you can and should be responsible for your own happiness. Counting on someone else just doesn't pan out in the long run. People leave. People die. People change. People change their minds. People get busy. So count on yourself. No one knows better than me how difficult this actually is in practice, to be responsible for your own happiness, when you're not happy per se. But try this. Put yourself first. Your happiness before everyone else's. Be selfish. Do whatever you want/need. Make yourself happy. And see where that takes you. I promise you, it will work, if you try.

Make your health a priority. Your body is wonderful, but it has it's limitations. Take care of it. Exercise, breathe, meditate. Rest. Stay fit. Exercising is also one of the best ways to improve your mental health and your body image.

Find your passions and pursue them. Pursue them relentlessly. Unabashedly. Stop thinking about what will they think. Do what you like. You will look back and be happy that you did.

Live alone. Travel alone. Shop alone. I haven't really done all of these in the strictest sense of the term, but I have sort-of done these, and I would love to do more of these next year. However I do always shop alone, and it is the fastest way to get that job done!

Get out of your comfort zone. Do things that make you uncomfortable/anxious. Expand your horizons. That's the only way to keep your life interesting, and to let yourself learn and grow. Even if you end up as a sad blubbering mess of jumbled up words, do it. Just because, the next time you try that particular thing, you won't mess up that bad.

Acquire one new skill. (I haven't really acquired any this last year, I'm sorry to report. However, I may have sort of learnt the very fine art of saying no; something that is quintessential to your survival in society at large). So yes, skills. Someday, you will come to realise that you are an adult, with responsibilities, and when that happens, the only things you have to count on are yourself, your skills, and your education. So keep learning. And acquire one new skill every year, atleast.

Write letters. And not online ones. No e-letters. No blog posts or Facebook posts. This is one of the best things I learnt this year. Write actual letters. Sign them. And put them in an envelope. A letter becomes an almost miraculous thing. Something to be cherished forever. Something which can be stored, re-read, which can actually be felt with your hands. Not a link to the internet. Not the backlight of your phone screen showing you some words. An actual letter. On paper. Addressed to you in an envelope. A story someone decided to tell you. A message someone wrote down just for you. Explore this bit of magic in the world.

Write a letter to someone you love, today. And hand it over to them. It will be truly awesome.

Don't forget to take time out for yourself. Stop, pause. Take a break. Take a vacation. Take that day off. You will work much better on the rest of the days.

I don't want this post to sound like all of those on thoughtcatalog.com (I do realise that is an irony), but yeah, read thoughtcatalog.com. It's just fun and probably quite useful. I mean, thoughtcatalog.com might be some of the most sensible advice some people get, about anything. Keep visiting to get new ideas and perspectives about your own life.

Work hard. Because really, nothing can be more satisfying or make you happier. Find what drives you and start moving up that ladder. Start paving the way for your success.

Find the people and the things that make you laugh. And don't let go of them. ;)

Teach. Discover the joy of imparting knowledge, of influencing someone, changing their mind and helping them grow in a minor way. When you notice that small spark of respect in their eyes, or receive an affectionate thank you, that's when you'll realise how important it is to teach. Start giving back what was once given to you.
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Okay I have (finally) started to feel very preachy, so I am going to stop. (Also I have run out of things to further preach about. I just wanted to say hi to you all. That was the entire point of this post!).

Ending this post with a poem, one of my favorites from this year. Just because.

See you all next year. Comments are most welcome. I will try my best to reply, I swear on 2015.

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Let's be a poem (Version III)

You be the beginning
(Once upon a time)
The pirate at sea who
Wears a black patch o'er his eye

I’ll be hiding somewhere
Lost amidst these lines -
The maiden who doesn’t know
Where her true heart lies

You bring in the story
I’ll stir up the rhymes,
You tell all the jokes
I’ll be the laughter that chimes

You can be the syntax
(Words that sit together just right)
I’ll be the grammar
(Compulsively correcting from the sides)

You'll be the narrator
I, the script writer,
You, the lead actor
I, the paramour

You say all the words
I’ll add the punctuation,
You start all our songs
I’ll bring in the rhythm

You be the black ink
That scribbled all over my white,
Together making a picture ,
So pleasing to the eyes

You be the syllables
That leave behind many a sigh
And I will be the images
To fill up the reader’s mind

Oh we could be a poem, we could,
You,
And I.

-Aayushi Mehta (2015).


Friday, November 13, 2015

Let art save you tonight

Let art save you tonight.

Take all those thoughts, those feelings, those memories. Those dreams. That love, that pain. That laughter, those tears. That nothingness. Take what you find. And create something.

Write a letter. Tell a story. Paint a picture. Sketch a face. Cook a dish. Hum a melody.

Write a poem.

Write a poem everyday.

Make dessert. Eat dessert. Call a friend and tell a joke. Play with a baby. Play with a dog. Smile at the most beautiful person you see walking down the street.

Make art.

Watch nature. Watch the green on the trees. Feel the wind in your face. Hear the songs of the sea.

Fall in love. Take the plunge. Tell your story. Start your story. Say the words you’re afraid to say.

Make art tonight.

Kiss his lips. Kiss her eyes. Paint your face. Dress up like a dream. Lay underneath the stars.

Go find a hand to hold. Dig up that old photograph of you laughing.

Give in to origami. Practice yoga by the beach. Take a pair of scissors and shape that paper. Or shape your hair.

Build sand castles. Send out messages in bottles. Send out postcards. Buy gifts for everyone you love.

Go out and make some art tonight.

Set out on an adventure. Trek up the nearest or farthest mountain you find. Swim deep into the ocean. Jump off that cliff with a rope around your ankle.

Make conversation. Find a song that makes you cry. Sit by the candle light. Tell him he’s beautiful. Tell him he’s amazing. Tell her she’s gorgeous. Tell her the stars can never compare.

Sit down to dinner with your mother. Go for a walk with your father. Hug your brothers and sisters. Finish that book you never ended up reading.

Immerse yourself in some art tonight.

You will be all the better for it. You will wake up tomorrow with a smile. You will await the sunrise with eager eyes. You will have healed and you will have smiled. You will have found the courage for tomorrow’s fight.

Because there’s always time for some more art, tonight.


- |Songs of my heart|

(Reposted from my tumblr - 13.11.15. Dedicated to the amazing people you tend to meet in life. For the love of art. For the love of words.)