Monday, June 11, 2012

Why do we fight?

For the first time ever, this blog is going to see a post written for solely one purpose.


Be warned, and stay away. 

Growing up, I was always someone who prided herself over not fighting with anyone, not indulging in cat fights. I always wondered why girls around me fought so much. But then, things were simple back then. I never cared about anyone or anything so much, as to fight, I suppose.

(Though there was that one incident in primary school, a fountain pen war. Don't know what that is? Let me explain. It involves blotting ink over each other's faces (you and your enemy) and white school uniforms, then bursting into loud tears in a classroom full of 100 students, then being reprimanded and sent to the washroom to clean up. And the most embarrassing part? Having to go to the wash room with your then arch enemy! And being the only one in floods of tears! Oh well. I think it's time to stop talking about repressed childhood memories)

Moving on to adulthood, how is it that we always find ourselves in a constant struggle for one-upmanship? We're always gossiping, backbiting, taking advantage, backstabbing, fake smiling, putting on shows of friendship, competing, killing, climbing the ladder, and trampling over people. We're cursing and howling and abusing and slapping and disowning best friends and swearing lifetime oaths of enmity. Think, look around, we are, most of us. We always are. In some way or another. And most of us enjoy it. We call it being 'street-smart'. The poor few who don't, are just thrown to one side and left in that corner. With a lot of fake smiles coming their way. And a couple of pitiful "Oh, she's so sweet!"s to boot.

 What I fail to understand, is that how does the person you once thought would be your BFF, turn into a person you can't see eye-to-eye with about even one single thing? I mean, HOW does that happen? What happened to the person who was there in their place before? What happened to the person I was five years back? What happened to that long phone call years ago when we both cried into the handsets and helped each other deal with life's troubles? What happened to the pinky swears? What happened to fighting with the world, for each other? What happened to always having a friend you can count on? Sigh.

I've recently gained a highly cynical world view, and am starting to doubt whether real, uncluttered, friendship without agendas even exists anymore. There's nothing much going on to renew my faith, right now.

I think in the end, we all fight because of one root cause. We all want to be loved, and appreciated. (It's either that, or money. Let's work with the former, for now). And we're ready to do anything for that little bit of love. In the process, we forget that we are cancelling out our original cause, by fighting and doing all that we do. We become unworthy of that same love.

John Mayer once sang: "If you want more love, why don't you say so?".

We should all just say so.  

On another note, more unwanted gyaan for you: The best way to judge a person, if at all you want to, is to see how they fight. (Of course, there's also that ancient piece of wisdom, "Judge a man by how he treats his inferiors". But I think the piece of gyaan I just discovered is much better).

Judge someone when they are fighting. You're angry, ready to fight, guns ablazing,  you want to prove your point, and insult the opposite person, at all costs. That is the best time to forget all your etiquette, dignity, and basic self-respect, and start hurling every swear word you know at whatever person/thing you choose to bestow them upon. People lose all sense of what's happening, and what's being said, what's being done, they lose perspective. What no one realises in the heat of the moment, is what they are doing to themselves and the opposite person, by fighting. The slightly sensible ones, tend to regret everything that happens during a fight, later. But by then it's done, and irreversible.

Losing yourself to anger is by far, the ugliest thing a person can do. Never fails to show the very, very worst in that person. There are few who can keep a sensible head in place, and fight/argue with some rational logic and without letting their anger get a hold on them. And even fewer are those who choose to walk away from a fight.

I have profound respect for all such people. Sadly, they are a very, very rare species.

And what about me, in all this, you ask? Well, I have my highs and lows. Best moments and worst. Sometimes more of the worst. I am never afraid to apologize, though. That's what keeps me sane, and going.

Also, sometimes it turns out all you need is a blog, to keep you sane and going. Spout things out on poor unsuspecting readers. In-house therapy. Always works wonders.I am now finally smiling after a long, draining day.

For you (loyal readers, who never fail to lift up my spirits), I quote, once again, Taylor Swift:

"I love you like I love sparkles and having the last word. And that's real love."

On that blog-happy note, this is goodbye.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

My list of books to read before I die

Compiled from various internet articles, bestseller lists, and your recommendations. This list is a work in progress. I am publishing it here for those of you who may be interested. Of course, it only consists of books which I have not yet read.

Entering medicine has dampened my once voracious appetite for fiction, and this list will push me to keep reading good literature, in the little time I can afford, which is all otherwise spent trolling the internet and watching rom-coms. 

In no particular order:

1. A Room With A View, E.M.Forster
2. If Nobody Speaks Of Remarkable Things, Jon McGregor
3. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
4. Of Human Bondage, W. Somerset Maugham
5. 1984, George Orwell
6. The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
7. A House For Mr. Biswas, V.S.Naipul
8. Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Rilke
9. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
10. The History of Love, Nicole Krauss
11.  The Remains of the Day, Kazuo Ishiguro.
12. Mein Kampf
13. The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath
14. To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee
15. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte
16. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
17. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
18. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
19. A Song Of Ice and Fire (series), George R. Martin
20. The Longest Trip Home: A Memoir, John Grogan
21. The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Waterson
22. A Short History of Nearly Everything
23. Brief History of Time, Stephen Hawking
24.  At Swim-Two-Birds, Flann O'Brien
25. Atonement, Ian McEwan
26. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, Carson McCullers
27. Kafka On The Shore, Haruki Murakami
28. Fifty Shades Trilogy, E L James
29. On The Island
30. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov
31. Water For Elephants, Sara Gruen
32. The Hunger Games, Susan Collins
33. The Scent Of Rain And Lightning, Nancy Pickard
34. Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace
35. A Moveable Feast, Ernest Hemingway

36. And Our Faces, My Heart, Brief As Photos- John Berger
37. Unbearable Lightness Of Being, Milan Kundera
38. The Night In Lisbon, Erich Maria Remarque
39. The Shadow Lines, Amitav Ghosh

40. The Sea, John Banville